NOTE: This post is not about technology, but it's incredibly personal and a story that I'm finally ready to tell.
At the beginning of the 2015-2016 school year, I was faced with the hardest decision of my life--leaving teaching temporarily. The whole month of August 2015 was a whirlwind and a blur. I spent the prior school year looking forward to moving down to second grade and the summer writing an EXTENSIVE classroom management plan, buying decor and supplies for my owl themed classroom (that started the day after school let out for the summer) and doing lots of professional development reading. I loved my sixth graders, and still think about them all the time, and I loved teaching writing, but I never felt that it was where I belonged. One Thursday morning in August, I was headed to a math curriculum training before going to put the finishing touches on my classroom. When I was about to turn in to the high school where the training was, I received a phone call from my principal to come to school right away. I found out that morning that I was being moved to another school in the district to teach first grade. I was not happy. Not happy at all but understood that this happens to teachers all the time. I definitely faked my enthusiasm. After tearing my classroom down, driving to the other school and beginning the process of setting up a new classroom, I went home that night and cried. A couple weeks later on the Friday at the end of the first week of school, I found out during my conference time that I was being moved back to my old school to teach first grade. I still don't understand the reasons why. My team was told after school, but saying goodbye to my little first graders knowing that I wasn't coming back Monday was incredibly difficult. Sunday, I met with my former admin and after talking to my parents that night, we decided that due to a family situation that occurred earlier in the week, it would be best for me to take some time off. I didn't want to leave a new class of first graders with a long term sub at the beginning of the year, so I decided to resign. I looked at my resignation email for 45 minutes contemplating if I was making the right choice before my phone was taken from me and the email was sent. There was no turning back.
Rewind to a year before. My first year teaching sixth grade was rough. At the end of the year, I even considered going back to school to get my Masters in Educational Technology. Due to the change in the math standards that year, sixth grade math was incredibly difficult. Parents were complaining daily. I didn't want writing to be the same way. I wanted to make my class the one my students would want to come to every day even though most of them hated writing at the beginning of the year. I made them work and think, but we also did a lot with technology that was new to the students. I should add that I had gotten hired the night before Meet the Teacher and walked into a class of sixth graders after student teaching second grade five days later, so I was not prepared at all. Starting the year with a group project on the fourth day of school was not my best idea. I also let students get away with a lot the first couple of months. That was my next mistake. My next mistake was not asking for more help with curriculum. Those who know me well, know that I have a lot of pride. They also know that I hate asking for help because I hate feeling like I'm bothering people. I also am a bit of a perfectionist. (I remember in fourth grade, using my mom's paper cutter and colored paper to mount pictures for a timeline. We still talk about this project.) Presentation has always been incredibly important to me. That being said, I started to abandon my perfectionist ways my student teaching year when I was told by my supervisor that I had to, but they're definitely still there. It's not something that will ever go away completely.
The first couple of months after resigning were incredibly difficult. I missed my students the most. I missed my former team. I had a dream team in sixth grade that made going to school every day enjoyable. They treated me like an additional daughter. I missed my classroom. I missed getting up every morning to go to school. Even though I was doing what I needed to do for my family, I cried daily. Finally, two weeks after resigning, I had a breakdown. I missed being around people. That led me to go one Sunday September morning to the Young Professional group at the church right next door to me. I'm still part of that group and after taking an eight year hiatus from church, this brought me into a community that I never realized I needed. A month later, I was ready to start working part-time again and seek out teaching jobs again. I loved the church group I was part of, so I first started thinking about how I could work with kids there. I emailed the director of the program I am still a part of and started my journey as part of the amazing children's ministry team at the very end of October. I started in the 19-23 month old room and I remember having a moment of panic the night before. I had only ever worked with elementary aged kids so this was a whole new world. I think I stayed in that room once before moving to working with two-three year olds. Over a year and a half later, I'm still part of this team and don't plan on leaving completely. I've formed amazing relationships with our littlest members and their families. I also love working with mothers with school-aged children because it's forced me to see the parent perspective on education.
In late October 2015, I also reached out to the principals at two local elementary schools to see if there was a way to volunteer. I knew I would be back into teaching faster (and happier) if I was at schools. I missed being with kids the most. Two days later, I met with one of the principals and was so excited to be working in schools again. I also went ahead and got my substitute badge in Northside ISD. That was a month long process and I began substituting in December 2015. Teaching was still my main focus in my life. Everything I did revolved around getting back into my own classroom in spring 2016.
That March, my life changed when I got a message on my phone one night. I ignored it for a week before another message was sent to me. I responded to that one. About three and a half years before, I had let a personal relationship end because of my dedication to pursuing my teaching degree and career. I was also stage managing a show at the beginning of my senior year, on the executive board of my sorority and closed the year acting in a show, so I needed time to focus. I don't think I thought about anything else in my life (other than friends and family) until February 2016. I didn't have teaching to consume my life anymore and realized that I wanted someone I cared about as much as teaching. That year long journey of social events, love, new experiences such as seeing real snow for the first time on my first trip to Colorado and a new social circle ended in March of this year (that's a whole different story and something I still think about every single day even four months later) opened my eyes and taught me so much about myself, and my professional life. At the end of March, I was pretty broken both personally and professionally. I had always been focused on teaching, but not as much as I had been a year before. Three months ago, that begin to change.
You may be asking yourself, how does this all have to do with teaching? Well, I have learned a lot in the past year and a half.
1. I learned to never let someone interfere with my teaching. I was discouraged a lot. I was made to feel like I wasn't a good enough teacher. I was told to quit and pursue some other field. Nope. Not happening unless I decide I wanted to leave. I was also less confident and more frustrated than ever. It took me a couple of months, an inspirational blog post from a fellow Trinity alum about failure and an Early Learning EdCamp at Region 20 on a sunny Saturday June day before I was inspired as a teacher again. I live for PD (especially in the summer) and love learning new things. In fact, I was asked when I attended the event if it was for a specific teaching job. I said no. I went because I wanted to. Same reason I attended the free ISTE events.
2. I also learned where my strengths as a teacher lie. I loved teaching second grade my MAT year (after I thought I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher) and second/third grade is still my dream age to work with, but I realized when I was substituting in Northside and a number of private schools that I worked really well with older kids. I've accepted that teaching a STAAR grade might be necessary. Now, I truly think that I taught sixth grade ELA for a reason and I wish that I could redo that whole year differently. My students found out in February that I was moving to second grade and not making the transition with the rest of my team to the middle schools, so I think they knew that sixth grade was not my true passion. They knew I was looking forward to joining the second grade team every day and I regret that.
3. I've also realized to go where you are supported and valued. If I hadn't left my district when I did, I would have at the end of the year. I faced a lot of criticism and didn't have the support that I wanted as a young teacher. If I had stayed at my school the 2015-16 school year, I probably would have quit mid-year. I was extremely stressed the first week of school. I'm already extremely reflective, my own worst critic (aren't we all) and questioned almost every lesson I planned in sixth grade. I didn't need more of it all the time. I loved planning on my own and on my own time, but I definitely missed having someone to bounce ideas off. In January 2017, I decided to begin subbing at the middle/high school I graduated from after another professional setback (again, that's a whole different story) in my life. Even though I had to sub for 6th-12th grade, I loved it. I loved getting to see former teachers of mine and being part of the amazing community. I felt supported and valued. I should add that I received a text two days ago saying that they would love to have me back again this coming school year.
4. I have learned a lot about curriculum. Over the past year and a half, I have worked with kids from the age of 2 to 18. I have worked in literally every grade from Pre-K to a senior AP Psychology class. I have developed an extremely wide content knowledge that most teachers my age don't have yet. I also have been exposed to many different classroom systems and have added more to my "teacher toolbox." This never would have happened had I not left my district. I believe that jumping into new situations has actually made me a stronger teacher. I've gotten ideas from teachers, both veterans and beginners. One of my favorite teachers that I subbed for this past school year was a fourth grade ESL teacher in her first year.
5. I've also worked with a diverse group of kids from highly affluent to low socio-economic status. I started in affluent schools so I appreciate the diversity I've been exposed to and one school I worked at in particular this past year made me realize that I love working with students who need teachers the most.
6. I've also learned to finally have balance in my life. I am fortunate to be part of two Trinity alumni organizations, I launched my own business with C and I last month and I started this blog. Teaching is still my top priority, but I love having things to look forward to outside of teaching.
At this point, I don't know where I'll be next month. Could be Dallas. or Austin. Or I could be staying in San Antonio. The latter is what I'm hoping for right now. But I do believe that being thrown into situations has made me a better teacher and I've learned so many lessons. I've realized my strengths and I've learned a lot about who I am as a teacher.
-Elle
At the beginning of the 2015-2016 school year, I was faced with the hardest decision of my life--leaving teaching temporarily. The whole month of August 2015 was a whirlwind and a blur. I spent the prior school year looking forward to moving down to second grade and the summer writing an EXTENSIVE classroom management plan, buying decor and supplies for my owl themed classroom (that started the day after school let out for the summer) and doing lots of professional development reading. I loved my sixth graders, and still think about them all the time, and I loved teaching writing, but I never felt that it was where I belonged. One Thursday morning in August, I was headed to a math curriculum training before going to put the finishing touches on my classroom. When I was about to turn in to the high school where the training was, I received a phone call from my principal to come to school right away. I found out that morning that I was being moved to another school in the district to teach first grade. I was not happy. Not happy at all but understood that this happens to teachers all the time. I definitely faked my enthusiasm. After tearing my classroom down, driving to the other school and beginning the process of setting up a new classroom, I went home that night and cried. A couple weeks later on the Friday at the end of the first week of school, I found out during my conference time that I was being moved back to my old school to teach first grade. I still don't understand the reasons why. My team was told after school, but saying goodbye to my little first graders knowing that I wasn't coming back Monday was incredibly difficult. Sunday, I met with my former admin and after talking to my parents that night, we decided that due to a family situation that occurred earlier in the week, it would be best for me to take some time off. I didn't want to leave a new class of first graders with a long term sub at the beginning of the year, so I decided to resign. I looked at my resignation email for 45 minutes contemplating if I was making the right choice before my phone was taken from me and the email was sent. There was no turning back.
Rewind to a year before. My first year teaching sixth grade was rough. At the end of the year, I even considered going back to school to get my Masters in Educational Technology. Due to the change in the math standards that year, sixth grade math was incredibly difficult. Parents were complaining daily. I didn't want writing to be the same way. I wanted to make my class the one my students would want to come to every day even though most of them hated writing at the beginning of the year. I made them work and think, but we also did a lot with technology that was new to the students. I should add that I had gotten hired the night before Meet the Teacher and walked into a class of sixth graders after student teaching second grade five days later, so I was not prepared at all. Starting the year with a group project on the fourth day of school was not my best idea. I also let students get away with a lot the first couple of months. That was my next mistake. My next mistake was not asking for more help with curriculum. Those who know me well, know that I have a lot of pride. They also know that I hate asking for help because I hate feeling like I'm bothering people. I also am a bit of a perfectionist. (I remember in fourth grade, using my mom's paper cutter and colored paper to mount pictures for a timeline. We still talk about this project.) Presentation has always been incredibly important to me. That being said, I started to abandon my perfectionist ways my student teaching year when I was told by my supervisor that I had to, but they're definitely still there. It's not something that will ever go away completely.
The first couple of months after resigning were incredibly difficult. I missed my students the most. I missed my former team. I had a dream team in sixth grade that made going to school every day enjoyable. They treated me like an additional daughter. I missed my classroom. I missed getting up every morning to go to school. Even though I was doing what I needed to do for my family, I cried daily. Finally, two weeks after resigning, I had a breakdown. I missed being around people. That led me to go one Sunday September morning to the Young Professional group at the church right next door to me. I'm still part of that group and after taking an eight year hiatus from church, this brought me into a community that I never realized I needed. A month later, I was ready to start working part-time again and seek out teaching jobs again. I loved the church group I was part of, so I first started thinking about how I could work with kids there. I emailed the director of the program I am still a part of and started my journey as part of the amazing children's ministry team at the very end of October. I started in the 19-23 month old room and I remember having a moment of panic the night before. I had only ever worked with elementary aged kids so this was a whole new world. I think I stayed in that room once before moving to working with two-three year olds. Over a year and a half later, I'm still part of this team and don't plan on leaving completely. I've formed amazing relationships with our littlest members and their families. I also love working with mothers with school-aged children because it's forced me to see the parent perspective on education.
In late October 2015, I also reached out to the principals at two local elementary schools to see if there was a way to volunteer. I knew I would be back into teaching faster (and happier) if I was at schools. I missed being with kids the most. Two days later, I met with one of the principals and was so excited to be working in schools again. I also went ahead and got my substitute badge in Northside ISD. That was a month long process and I began substituting in December 2015. Teaching was still my main focus in my life. Everything I did revolved around getting back into my own classroom in spring 2016.
That March, my life changed when I got a message on my phone one night. I ignored it for a week before another message was sent to me. I responded to that one. About three and a half years before, I had let a personal relationship end because of my dedication to pursuing my teaching degree and career. I was also stage managing a show at the beginning of my senior year, on the executive board of my sorority and closed the year acting in a show, so I needed time to focus. I don't think I thought about anything else in my life (other than friends and family) until February 2016. I didn't have teaching to consume my life anymore and realized that I wanted someone I cared about as much as teaching. That year long journey of social events, love, new experiences such as seeing real snow for the first time on my first trip to Colorado and a new social circle ended in March of this year (that's a whole different story and something I still think about every single day even four months later) opened my eyes and taught me so much about myself, and my professional life. At the end of March, I was pretty broken both personally and professionally. I had always been focused on teaching, but not as much as I had been a year before. Three months ago, that begin to change.
You may be asking yourself, how does this all have to do with teaching? Well, I have learned a lot in the past year and a half.
1. I learned to never let someone interfere with my teaching. I was discouraged a lot. I was made to feel like I wasn't a good enough teacher. I was told to quit and pursue some other field. Nope. Not happening unless I decide I wanted to leave. I was also less confident and more frustrated than ever. It took me a couple of months, an inspirational blog post from a fellow Trinity alum about failure and an Early Learning EdCamp at Region 20 on a sunny Saturday June day before I was inspired as a teacher again. I live for PD (especially in the summer) and love learning new things. In fact, I was asked when I attended the event if it was for a specific teaching job. I said no. I went because I wanted to. Same reason I attended the free ISTE events.
2. I also learned where my strengths as a teacher lie. I loved teaching second grade my MAT year (after I thought I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher) and second/third grade is still my dream age to work with, but I realized when I was substituting in Northside and a number of private schools that I worked really well with older kids. I've accepted that teaching a STAAR grade might be necessary. Now, I truly think that I taught sixth grade ELA for a reason and I wish that I could redo that whole year differently. My students found out in February that I was moving to second grade and not making the transition with the rest of my team to the middle schools, so I think they knew that sixth grade was not my true passion. They knew I was looking forward to joining the second grade team every day and I regret that.
3. I've also realized to go where you are supported and valued. If I hadn't left my district when I did, I would have at the end of the year. I faced a lot of criticism and didn't have the support that I wanted as a young teacher. If I had stayed at my school the 2015-16 school year, I probably would have quit mid-year. I was extremely stressed the first week of school. I'm already extremely reflective, my own worst critic (aren't we all) and questioned almost every lesson I planned in sixth grade. I didn't need more of it all the time. I loved planning on my own and on my own time, but I definitely missed having someone to bounce ideas off. In January 2017, I decided to begin subbing at the middle/high school I graduated from after another professional setback (again, that's a whole different story) in my life. Even though I had to sub for 6th-12th grade, I loved it. I loved getting to see former teachers of mine and being part of the amazing community. I felt supported and valued. I should add that I received a text two days ago saying that they would love to have me back again this coming school year.
4. I have learned a lot about curriculum. Over the past year and a half, I have worked with kids from the age of 2 to 18. I have worked in literally every grade from Pre-K to a senior AP Psychology class. I have developed an extremely wide content knowledge that most teachers my age don't have yet. I also have been exposed to many different classroom systems and have added more to my "teacher toolbox." This never would have happened had I not left my district. I believe that jumping into new situations has actually made me a stronger teacher. I've gotten ideas from teachers, both veterans and beginners. One of my favorite teachers that I subbed for this past school year was a fourth grade ESL teacher in her first year.
5. I've also worked with a diverse group of kids from highly affluent to low socio-economic status. I started in affluent schools so I appreciate the diversity I've been exposed to and one school I worked at in particular this past year made me realize that I love working with students who need teachers the most.
6. I've also learned to finally have balance in my life. I am fortunate to be part of two Trinity alumni organizations, I launched my own business with C and I last month and I started this blog. Teaching is still my top priority, but I love having things to look forward to outside of teaching.
At this point, I don't know where I'll be next month. Could be Dallas. or Austin. Or I could be staying in San Antonio. The latter is what I'm hoping for right now. But I do believe that being thrown into situations has made me a better teacher and I've learned so many lessons. I've realized my strengths and I've learned a lot about who I am as a teacher.
 |
| I cannot wait to re-create this room. |
-Elle
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